Please confirm you are human
This browser or connection looks automated. Press and continuously hold the control for 3 seconds to enable Google-hosted web results and, when separately allowed, AI-assisted answers.
A successful check enables 100 search requests. Interactive access does not authorize scraping, systematic collection, or reuse of search output.
News
Underwater Existentialism
1+ hour, 42+ min ago (16+ words) An all-new edition of our weekly comic about artistic creatures living in a bleak forest....
Sir Ernest Shackleton’s Journal Entries from the Week He Stayed Home with His Sick Kids
1+ mon, 5+ day ago (313+ words) Day 1 Pestilence has struck. The very week Endurance was to sail, Young Cecily awoke hot as a kettle. I, her loving father, could not depart frail Cecily in such a state. And Mrs. Shackleton is away at the suffragettes conference…...
I Am Hummingbird, Lord of Your Doorknob
1+ mon, 1+ week ago (501+ words) Hark ye! I am hummingbird, tiny as a golf ball, dense as a chicken tender, with feathers the size of tomato seeds. I run on sugar. SUGAR. SUGAR WATER! Look look look look look look look, SHUT UP. Look. I…...
An Excerpt from Elizabeth Preston’s The Creatures’ Guide to Caring
2+ mon, 2+ week ago (877+ words) - - -With warmth, humor, and occasional run-ins with bodily fluids, science journalist (and frequent McSweeney’s contributor) Elizabeth Preston leads a high......
Why It’s Actually a Reassuring Sign that You’re About to Be Eaten by Wolves, Ethan
3+ mon, 5+ hour ago (425+ words) Okay, Ethan. Got it. Many would consider it extremely flattering that it’s now not just one, but rather two, or even three, wolves who’ve stepped up to the plate. Wolves are busy, and if they’re circling you, it’s because they’ve…...
The Merlin Bird ID App Is Now the Merlin Fight ID App
3+ mon, 4+ week ago (277+ words) In light of recent rollbacks on environmental protection, we, the creators behind the beloved birding app Merlin Bird ID, have preemptively shifted into the field of argument identification. Our highly accurate predictive models have shown that while most birds won’t…...
A Message from Your University President on the Recent Hippopotamus Attacks
4+ mon, 1+ week ago (259+ words) Dear Faculty, Staff, Students, and AI Summarization Tools, I want to express my deepest gratitude for your patience as we explore innovative solutions to the recent string of gruesome hippopotamus attacks reported across central campus. Your steadfast commitment to our…...
These Deep-Sea Creatures Liked You on Hinge
6+ mon, 1+ week ago (279+ words) Use the code TENDENCY at checkout for $5 off. What I’m looking for: A confident, independent female roughly twenty times my size with a dangly, glowing orb attached to her forehead. Don’t hate me if I: Latch on to you and…...
I Am Running Out of Facts About Red Pandas
9+ mon, 4+ week ago (420+ words) I am a drowning man, sinking under the weight of expectation, pulled toward the murky depths of adult fallibility. I’m glad my children love going to this zoo every weekend, but with each trip around their favorite enclosure, I’m reminded…...
Excerpts from The Believer: Animal: Wild Turkey
11+ mon, 1+ day ago (1476+ words) FEATURES: Runs almost as fast as Usain Bolt, albeit in bursts Flies faster than most hummingbirds, albeit in bursts Gobbles, purrs, yelps, chirps, clicks, and kee-kees - - -It is a truth, if not universally acknowledged then at least generally believed, that…...