News
Why It's Actually a Reassuring Sign that You're About to Be Eaten by Wolves, Ethan
2+ hour, 33+ min ago (425+ words) Okay, Ethan. Got it. Many would consider it extremely flattering that it's now not just one, but rather two, or even three, wolves who've stepped up to the plate. Wolves are busy, and if they're circling you, it's because they've…...
The Merlin Bird ID App Is Now the Merlin Fight ID App
4+ week, 21+ hour ago (277+ words) In light of recent rollbacks on environmental protection, we, the creators behind the beloved birding app Merlin Bird ID, have preemptively shifted into the field of argument identification. Our highly accurate predictive models have shown that while most birds won't…...
A Message from Your University President on the Recent Hippopotamus Attacks
1+ mon, 1+ week ago (259+ words) Dear Faculty, Staff, Students, and AI Summarization Tools, I want to express my deepest gratitude for your patience as we explore innovative solutions to the recent string of gruesome hippopotamus attacks reported across central campus. Your steadfast commitment to our…...
These Deep-Sea Creatures Liked You on Hinge
3+ mon, 6+ day ago (279+ words) Use the code TENDENCY at checkout for $5 off. What I'm looking for: A confident, independent female roughly twenty times my size with a dangly, glowing orb attached to her forehead. Don't hate me if I: Latch on to you and permanently…...
I Am Running Out of Facts About Red Pandas
6+ mon, 4+ week ago (420+ words) I am a drowning man, sinking under the weight of expectation, pulled toward the murky depths of adult fallibility. I'm glad my children love going to this zoo every weekend, but with each trip around their favorite enclosure, I'm reminded…...
Excerpts from The Believer: Animal: Wild Turkey
8+ mon, 1+ day ago (1476+ words) FEATURES: Runs almost as fast as Usain Bolt, albeit in bursts Flies faster than most hummingbirds, albeit in bursts Gobbles, purrs, yelps, chirps, clicks, and kee-kees - - -It is a truth, if not universally acknowledged then at least generally believed, that…...
Excerpts from The Believer: The Magic Well: Confronting Death Through the Eye of the Animal Cam
9+ mon, 1+ week ago (1790+ words) We watch not because of the animals" beauty alone, or because of what we learn from watching, but because the webcam'like a memento mori'trains our attention on the now." - - -DISCUSSED: Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute; Front Royal, Virginia; Cheetah Cub Cam;…...
A Strange Little Bird
9+ mon, 2+ week ago (781+ words) You've Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, "Yep, that tracks. I see it all…...
Signs the Frog Has Been Boiled
10+ mon, 6+ day ago (485+ words) A large pot sits in plain sight. There's a frog in it. Every day, Leader announces his plans to boil the frog. His campaign slogan was "BOIL THAT FROG." He has already made at least one run on the stove....